My Beautiful Nightmare (Beautiful Nothing #1) Page 2

  Jx

  Closing my eyes, I inhale sharply. Trying to breathe through my sobs I try to get up off the bed. I fail at steadying my feet and fall, I try to catch myself on the bed but I have no strength left. I fall on my bruised side and let out a yelp. I lay there in a pool of my tears forever it feels like.

  I am scared, no not scared, I’m terrified. I could call my friends or I could call my mother who disowned me years prior. What would that do though? What would happen if I did? Would he come back? Would he have me raped, beaten or killed? All of these questions run through my head as I lay there on the floor of my bedroom.

  I slowly get up on my hands and knees and start to crawl towards the bathroom. Just as I make my way to the toilet I start to dry heave vomiting up nothing. I wipe my mouth on my arm before crawling to the shower and turning it on. Climbing over the bathtub wall I slip inside and close the curtain. I lay in the tub and let the hot water wash over my used up, dirty body. Wrapping my arms around my knees, I hold myself as I let out the loudest whimper I have ever let escape.

  I stay in the shower until the water becomes ice cold stabbing needles all over my body, erasing my mind of the previous pain I endured. I can finally feel my body again and sit up to pull myself up and out of the tub. Reaching for the bathroom closet I grab a towel and wrap myself in the warmth of the soft cotton.

  Heading out of the bathroom I avoid looking into the mirror, worried about what might reflect back at me.

  Chapter 2

  Moving On

  While I get dressed in a pair of gray jeggings and a purple tank top, I start ripping down all my clothes off the hangers. I tear down the metal rod they were on and watch it crash to the floor. I throw everything in to a pile and make my way to the dresser and fling the clothes out of the drawers in the same manner. I strip everything of mine in the closet and start to stuff things in trash bags.

  I don't want to stay here any second longer than I have to. I search for my purse with my keys, wallet and phone in it, and then quickly realize that Jake probably took it and gave up. As I grab ahold of the red tie strings on the trash bags I tie them all in knots and drag them to the front door. I stop dead in my tracks and replay all of the screaming and fighting and start to wonder why no one heard it or even came to check to see if I was okay or anything. I start to panic and take a deep breath.

  I won't know unless I walk out there and find out right? I think to myself.

  I crack the door open and look out, but I don't hear the normal TVs sounds coming from the doors of my neighbors. I don't hear the dogs from down stairs barking or the old lady next door Fran's bird chirping.

  I don't hear anything at all. The entire building is silent and I wonder why as I make my way down the stairs. I get to the front desk and notice there is yellow tape surrounding the front desk and door leading to the owner’s office.

  The usual old man Mike isn't there. I get a sick feeling in my stomach as I walk pass the tape and into the office. I turn the knob to see if it's unlocked and it is. I slowly open the door, walking in I notice the wall is black and the fire alarm hanging on the wall is melted. The room was caught on fire by the microwave exploding I guess. There is bits and pieces of it all around the room. That's why no one heard my cries, they were evacuated from the building.

  I feel the hairs on my arms stand up at the thought of the building burning down while I was still in it. Quickly closing the door I run towards the stairs and up two flights back to my apartment to retrieve my bags to get the hell out of there.

  Once I am outside in the parking lot, I start to look for my car to see if it's even there and I already knew the answer but I had to go look to make sure. It's gone. It was gone, gone just like my happiness. I have no car, no money and no phone and four trash bags full of my belongings. I plop down on the concrete parking block next to me and start to cry again.

  I hear a loud horn sound off on the road and tires screech to a halt. I look up full of dismay and hold back tears of happiness this time, to see my best friend flinging her car door open and sprinting towards me with a tormented expression.

  As soon as she reaches me her arms are wrapped tightly around my back. She starts to cry hysterically.

  "I knew it! I knew he lied!" She cried.

  "What the hell is going on Laney?" "Where the hell have you been?" She breathes out in a clipped sentence.

  "We broke up! I have so much to tell you but I can't!" I almost scream at her.

  She holds me tight as I wail into the crook of her neck, it hurts but I need it. She gently rubs my back in passive gesture but I flinch in pain and pull out of her embrace. I can see the worry in her eyes and quickly get her mind off of my sudden change. I lift my head up after regaining my composure and ask her.

  "Is it okay to stay with you tonight?"

  "Of course it's okay! You can stay with me as long as you need to sweetie, don't ever doubt that for one second."

  "Thank you. I am so happy you happened to drive by and that you are here, you have no idea how much I needed you just now Lindsay."

  She helps me up and loops her arm in mine and walks me over to her car. I almost sat in the seat but before I do, I remember I left my bags. She stops me and says she will get it so I sit down.

  I watch as my best friend drags all of my bags to the car and throws them in the back. I feel embarrassed having my best friend taking care of me when I am like this.

  What hurts the most is that she probably thinks this is like the 20 other times we broke up. This is not a fight, this is the worst thing to ever happen to me and I have to keep it a secret. I can't tell her anything or I am dead.

  Starting her car the song Fucking Perfect by Pink comes blaring through the speakers and right then I breathe. What a perfect song to release the pain and sorrow I feel at this moment.

  The whole hour drive to her house, I stayed silent letting the music drowned my thoughts. Lindsay knew better than anyone that music is my escape so she stayed quiet and respected the space that I needed.

  Lindsay has been my best friend since freshmen year in high school. I knew the day she came in late to the class the first day as a new student that we would be great friends. She had her long Mahogany hair pulled in a ponytail, a book bag filled with all her books. I laugh at the thought of the way it fell off her back showing how heavy it was.

  The teacher asked her if she was always late for everything and her response had me laughing so hard that we both wound up in the principal’s office on the first day.

  "Actually Mr. Jones I started my period this morning, and I was bleeding so heavily that I had to stop off at the drug store and take care of it. So being late for everything I am not.” she stated sarcastically, with a wicked grin.

  We instantly became best friends that day, and have been inseparable ever since. I giggle out loud for the first time in a week at the thought. Lindsay turns and looks at me with her big round, chocolate colored eyes and smiles.

  "I was just thinking about the day we met." I say with a small smile.

  "Those were the days huh?" she questioned.

  "Yeah the best."

  I stare out the window as we continue to drive and watch the sun slowly set. I can feel my eyes getting heavy and I finally give in and start to drift off.

  When we arrive at her house she shakes my shoulder and I wake with a jolt. I look at her frightened and I can see the concern in her eyes once again.

  "I'm okay just forgot where I was." I lied.

  "Oh okay." She says with a frown not

  believing a word I am saying.

  We make our way out of the car and I grab my bags out the back and follow her up the walk way to her front door of her small but spacious house.

  Lindsay's house is a good hour outside of the city of New York in Edgewater, New Jersey. Her house is on a piece of land off a gravel road backed up into the woods. It is a ranch style home with blue siding and a concrete front porch with a small porch swing.

 
; She lived here with her parents until they were in a car accident and died on impact. It was a very sad and stressful time and I stood by her through it all, they were like my parents too since mine hated me.

  Now she has been living here alone for almost two years now. She has begged me to move in for the longest time and I think her dreams might come true very soon.

  Lindsay opens the door and walks through and turns on the lights and heads straight for the kitchen asking if I want a glass of wine.

  "Yeah that sounds perfect right now." I say.

  "Blueberry or Green Apple?"

  "Blue sounds good."

  She walks into the living room and hands me my glass as she sets hers on the coffee table. She plops down on the couch then reaches for the radio remote and turns on some music.

  "Ready to talk now?" She asked.

  "I told you I can't talk about it. I mean I don't feel like it." I stutter.

  "I don't care what you told me Laney, I don't care what Jake told you, and I most definitely don't give a flying fuck what Jake told me. I want the truth and I want it now. You are hurt mentally for sure but also physically. I know by the way you pulled away from me in pain. I have known you long enough to know when you're hiding something and when you are out right lying. Laney can't you trust me? Whatever happened to you I need to know what it was and I want every detail. Before you ask me if I will keep it a secret, my answer is yes, I will because you are the most important person in my life and I would never do anything to hurt you in any way I hope you know that,” she preaches to me.

  "I will tell you, but I need to have your word that you will NOT lash out and stay calm. Promise me Lindsay."

  "I promise."

  "Can you please tell me what Jake told you first for I can see how much you really know?"

  Jake told her that I came home from work with a headache and lashed out on him for talking to a girl, he even showed her the marks I left on him. He told her that I left him to go to Florida to find my mom. That I packed up my stuff and just took off and didn't want anything to do with any of my friends or him anymore.

  "I was so upset that you left without saying goodbye, and apparently so was Jake because he had a few friends with him trying to calm him down he was crying and everything Laney.

  The next day I saw on the news that he broke into the lobby office and put a can of spray paint in the microwave and blew himself up. I just lost it. I thought he killed himself because you left Laney, they even evacuated the whole building until the cops are finished doing their investigation."

  I can feel the vomit rising in the back of my throat again but this time I just chug down the rest of my wine. That liar, He said he had it all worked out and now I get what he meant by the letter. I am furious as I try to explain what really happened.

  "Oh My God!" she says pissed. What the fuck! I actually came there to your apartment! I did! That mother fucker, oh my god Laney. I am so sorry. The cops were even there for fuck sake! This whole time you were there tied up, being raped and abused!" She is crying hysterically now.

  "You didn't answer your phone and I was so mad at you! Oh my god I am so unbelievably sorry!"

  "It's not your fault Lindsay, don't you dare try and make this your fault."

  I try and be strong for my best friend but my fear and pain slips out through the tears I tried holding in for too long. I reach in my bra and pull out the folded up letter and hand it to her with a shaky hand. I watch her face turn furious, then devastated, then to terror.

  "That sick fuck!"

  "What are we supposed to do? Just sit and wait for this sick bastard to show back up and screw up your life whenever he sees fit?" she asks.

  "I can't even express how sorry I am that I wasn't there when you needed me."

  She reaches over and lightly hugs me knowing that I am bruised and in pain she unlatches quickly. She asks me to show her the bruises and I slowly lift my shirt and show her the dark blue bruising up my sides. I then take my pants off and stand there in my panties as I show her the bite and claw marks all over the rest of my body. She continues bawling and shakes with fear and anger, as she repeats that she is sorry. I put my clothes back on and slowly sit back down on the couch.

  She asks me if I need to go to the hospital and I tell her no that it isn't a good idea and that I am worried that he will already know I told her. With that Lindsay's phone rings and makes us both jump in fear.

  "Hell...Hello?" She answers.

  She hangs up with a misgiving look on her face.

  "There was no one there. There was no one on the line Laney! Do you think he is alive and knows you told me,” she squeaks out nervously.

  "I don't know. I don't know we can't let fear control us. I can't even think about it Lindsay, I don't want to."

  She nods her head and says that she is going to go shower she turns to head towards the bathroom and stops quickly turning back on her heels and asks.

  "Will you come sit on the toilet and talk to me like you use to when we were kids?"

  "Yeah, right behind you."

  I give her about five minutes to get in and I knock on the door and ask if it's okay to come in. When she replies back with a yes, I sit on the toilet and clear my throat to say something but she beats me to it and says.

  "You remember when dad taught you how to change the tire on your car? She said with a giggle.

  I was thankful that she changed the subject to try to lighten up the strange fear running through our minds.

  "I do, he laughed at me a lot when I asked him what a car jack was, oh and the tire gauge joke."

  "Do you remember the joke he made about the tire gauge? I say with a smile.

  “He said how does a blonde measure her I.Q.?" she says laughing loudly.

  "She holds a tire gauge to her ear!" We both say at the same time.

  In that moment I forget about everything and become silent reminiscing about a great man, the only father figure I ever had in my life. Lindsay must feel the same way because I hear her sniffle.

  "I miss him too." I say.

  "I know it never goes away, but it has gotten better. It just hurts you know?"

  "It hurts because no matter what something bad always happens, just when we think we are okay this gray cloud of despair just looms over us,” she says.

  "I know but we will make it through maybe all of the things we have been going through is for a reason." I say.

  "To make us stronger?" She asks.

  "Yeah stronger."

  Silence fills the room again and I hear the water turn off and that's my cue to leave the room.

  I go wait in the kitchen and refill my wine glass again.

  Lindsay comes out looking really tired and I look at the stove to see that it is only 7:00pm. She asks if I am hungry and I realize that I am starving. I can't even remember the last thing I ate or if I ate and don't remember. She can tell by the look on my face that I am starved. She orders a meat lovers pizza and I follow her back to the living room and sit next to her on the couch. She turns the radio off and the TV on and flips through the million different genres of movies on Netflix. She finally clicks on one of our favorite chick flicks Crazy, Stupid Love. Half way through the movie the doorbell rings and she jumps up and heads towards the door to get the pizza.

  When she returns she had two plates and the rest of the wine. We eat all but one piece of the large pizza and finish off the wine. We end up watching another movie until we let the exhaustion from the day wear us down and we both fall asleep on the sectional couch.

  Chapter 3

  Remember The Past

  He is here I can feel him. I look around my bedroom in my apartment, glancing at the cop uniform shirt laid over the chair neatly. I move to get up and I can't feel my body move, panic sets in as I open my mouth but nothing comes out. Harry walks through the door. Harry is a cop and one of Jake's best friends. I am relieved to see him, until he notices I am awake and gives me a wicked grin. In this moment I know
something isn't right and I give him a pleading look and try to open my mouth again but like before silence remains.

  "You're awake?" He questions.

  "You can't answer me, that bothers me but I guess I have to deal with it huh?"

  None of his words are making any sense, I feel completely abandoned.

  "You see Laney, I am not like Jake. I actually enjoy hearing my victims plead and scream for god to help them. They never understand that once I am inside of them, I become god." He whispers.

  "I always wondered what it would be like to take you while you fought me. But Jake had his fantasies to live first, the spoiled little fuck that he is."

  I am frozen on the outside but it has nothing on what I feel on the inside at this moment. He stalks towards the bed wrapped in nothing but a white towel. If I could feel, I would say that there is probably a bead of sweat forming across my forehead. My body would be shaking and I would have started screaming for help the moment his words left his mouth.

  "They say serve and protect the innocent. You are far from innocent, you fucked Jake the day you met him. Does that say innocent Laney? Does it?!" he pushed.

  "I will not protect you from anything, you are to serve and protect my innocence. I was innocent until whores like you started fucking me over!" he yelled with anger.

  "I will wait until the drugs wear off and I am gonna fuck you. You will scream for help while you try to fight me off, I will fuck you until you bleed. I will make sure you are so broken that you can't function in life anymore. You will never fucking forget me!"

  He paces back and forth at the foot of the bed with his hands pulling at is hair. His broad frame shakes in anger. I watch as his muscles tighten and his veins perk up. He removes his hands from his think black hair and looks at me with the vicious glare as he bends down over my feet on the bed.

  I start to shake, I move my feet and realize the drugs are starting to wear off. This is what he is been craving. He notices my movement and starts to crawl up my body until he is mounted with his legs on my sides.