My Beautiful Lies (Beautiful Nothing #2) Read online

  The sound of my alarm is annoying. I feel around with my eyes still sealed shut without luck. Laney is half awake, mumbling under her breath. I finally find my phone in the side of the cushion, quickly shutting it off before it starts to sound off again.

  “We need to get up, we have plans,” I tell her, shaking her again.

  “Why? Just another hour, please…” she whines.

  Laughing, I tell her, “Fine, if you wanna sleep then I guess we won’t go see a musical.” This gets her attention.

  “Are you serious, you really made plans?” She jumps up from the couch in worry like she won’t have time to get ready. I tell her yes and we go get freshened up for the night.

  She comes downstairs about thirty minutes after me, looking absolutely stunning. She has on a deep-violet dress, featuring all her curves. Her shiny hair is pulled over to the side in a clip, falling right below her shoulders in light waves. Lips lined red, diamonds dangling loosely from her ears. She’s so beautiful it makes me nauseous that she even let me have a chance to steal her heart. I walk toward her and take her hand in mine, leading her out the door. Two hours later, we arrive in New York City. We park in the parking garage only a few blocks from where we are going. It’s hauntingly dark, the cold air makes it hurt to breathe. I look over to see her shivering in her thin dress. I suck it up and place my jacket around her shoulders. There’s no way I am letting her freeze. We walk and walk. Only ten minutes left until we get to the theater when we realize someone is following us. My heart drops. Not because I’m scared for me, but for her. It’s not the safest city to be lurking around at night. Shit, it’s not the safest during the day, either.

  “What was that? Did you hear that?” she asks, pulling herself closer to me. I turn around, looking. She turns with me, seeing a shadow of a person not far behind us.

  “Who’s there? Show yourself! You’re scaring my girl,” I yell out, but the shadow and sound are gone. “It was probably just a homeless guy. Don’t worry, I’m here. Nothing’s going to happen to you,” I say, reassuring her. She believes me and we continue down the road. It’s so dark I don’t recognize where we are. I quickly grab my phone pulling up the GPS to get us on the back on track. It sends us off into a stinky alley full of trash. We see the opening to the road, but once again someone is watching. I know New York is full of people, but the feeling I have is off. It’s the same person; I can feel their eyes stabbing at my back. Trying not to pay them any mind, I grab Laney’s hand and pull her out onto the sidewalk. I pull her into my arms and whisper in her ear, “The person that was following us… they still are.” I can hear her suck in a deep breath. I kiss her, wrap my arms around her, and take all of her in. When I break the kiss, she looks even more terrified than before. She squeezes my hand tighter as she drags me around the corner of the building. Moving fast and holding her breath.

  BOOM! We both jump, turning to see a man dressed in all black tripping over a trash can. I immediately let go of her hand and chase him. He is faster than me, and once I turn the corner, he is already climbing a ladder to the roof. Then I hear something drop. I bend down to pick it up. It’s a guitar pic. Flipping it over, I see the initials JT on it and know who it is instantly. I go to put it in my pocket, but she catches my hand first.

  “What’s that? Give it to me,” she says, taking it before I can close my hand into a fist. She knows. The look on her face says it all. She tightens her fist around it, deliberately moving toward the nearest wall. Her back meets it; she slumps down until she is sitting. She flips it over repeatedly with her fingers, her eyes boring into it. Any light she had disappears.

  “We need to get out of here,” she says, still focused on the pic. I don’t second guess her order, I simply lift her from the ground and half-carry her to the street to hail a cab. I am going to kill Jake. I can’t believe he was following me. We need to talk, but I’m so pissed at him it can wait until after Christmas. He had her and lost her. She’s mine now, and he will be sure to understand that.

  We have the driver take us to my car and Laney is mute for the ride. We make it back to the car, and I lay her down in the back seat of my silver BMW. She doesn’t acknowledge me at all—she is in a trance so I drive back in silence. I pull in her driveway around one o’clock and open her door to find her sound asleep. I carry her in and lay her in the bed. I don’t know what this is going to do to her. All I can do is wait for it. Wait for her to fall apart again.

  Even when I am dreaming, I dream of the voices. They come and go, but right now that’s all I can hear. They want me to make all her pain go away. My eyes won’t open. I am closed off to any other senses. All I hear is her muffled screams and cries for help. I just stand there, frozen. There’s nothing I can do. Even if there was something I could do, the voices would keep me chained to the floor. I jolt awake, my shirt damp with sweat. Laney isn’t in the bed, and I race from my bed in search of her. Reliving the night she tried to take her life, I fly through the bathroom door to find her in the tub. The water is spraying from the shower head as she holds herself in a ball. I climb in and sit down in front of her, turning her around and pulling her in close. I grab her hand to hold and she pulls it away in one quick jerk. I look down, getting a closer look and find her hand is oozing of blood as the guitar pic digs in deeper and deeper when she closes her fist. Thanks to Jake she is falling apart again.

  “Laney, drop it. Don’t let him hurt you anymore,” I whisper in her ear, trying to pry her hand open. She’s in shock. She won’t answer to me. She’s completely mute. I just sit and hold her as she holds herself. Minutes pass, turning into hours. I am freezing—my body has gone numb from the cold. She sits in my lap, shivering—not saying a word. Each time I try to move her she pushes back against me. When she snaps out of the state of mind she’s in she lays her head back.

  Looking at me, she stutters, “Hold me tighter, because if you let go, I will fall apart.

  “Never,” I tell her, and try to lift her again. This time, she allows me to. I reach around and turn the shower off, then stand with her in my arms. Quickly walking her back to the room, I almost drop her a few times from the numbness. I lay her down, sliding her soaked clothes off and onto the floor. I lift her hand that is tight around the pic and place a soft kiss inside her wrist. As gentle as possible, I open her hand. Her face scrunches up in pain when I pull it from the cut it made. I tell her I’m sorry before going back to the bathroom for a rag and bandage. Her hand is pruned and cold as I wipe it clean and bandage it.

  How do you know when you’re in love? You put them first, in everything life throws at you. Each time I see her hurt, it hurts me. Every time I think of what they did—what I did—I cringe. I feel like a monster, like our love is a lie.

  “Do you think he will come here?” she asks, breaking my thoughts.

  “No, and if he does, he will have to go through me,” I spit out with more anger than I should have. It’s true, though. If he comes anywhere near her, he’s dead. Yes, I made a mistake letting my friends make this whole plan and wanting to be a part of it. I knew all of this would happen—I knew I was hurting her. The worst part is I could have stopped it. These damn voices, they tell me it’s okay. I promise myself that tomorrow I will go to the office and speak with the other doctor. Maybe I can tell her Laney is showing signs of schizophrenia, and get her to prescribe her clozapine. She’s a quack anyway, prescribing medicine to anyone and everyone. I will get these voices to go away—I have to. For Laney.

  I strip off my clothes and climb in the bed with her. She turns onto her side, and I pull her back into my chest, holding her as tight as I can. “I won’t let anyone hurt you again,” I tell her. Not even me, I think to myself. She falls back asleep, and I lie there awake, thinking of how this plan came into play.

  It all started in high school. We were all really close friends, even lived in foster care with most of them. Jake, though, he was the leader of our pack. He always made the calls, on the football field and off—we al
l looked to him as an idol. We wanted to be him. He always got the girls, drugs, and even threw the best barn/house parties without ever getting caught. We were all at a barn party the night it started. Jake would lure drunk or high girls from the party out to our secret spot.

  A place out behind the barn of my deceased parents’ house.

  He would talk the girl into sex, then another guy would join. They would bring in another and another until finally the girl would find her morals and say no. That’s when things would get out of hand. They began just taking what they wanted, raping the poor teenage girls in the most sickening ways. They would threaten the girls— stalk them to make sure they stayed quiet. Where do I come in? I knew all these things were happening, but there was nothing I could do. Five football players against one isn’t an easy fight. Plus, they were my best friends. I would stay quiet, let them do their worst, and then save them. I would help them cope, let them talk to me. A few of the high school girls couldn’t handle it; they committed suicide leaving behind no explanation why. Why they do the things they do, I could never tell you. I guess we were all in foster care for a reason. We are fucked up. Even though we have known each other since high school, we know nothing about each other’s past.

  However, one thing I do know is we all have a monster inside just trying to claw its way out. I became addicted to them hurting girls so I could be a hero and save them. They all eventually caught on, saying we’re a team, we won’t ever get caught.

  When we got to college, it continued for a while. Even after Jake met Laney. I became obsessed with their relationship—obsessed with her. I waited and waited for him to mess up and get caught, but he never did. It took five years for him to get sick of her. He wanted something new, he said he wanted to do one last game before he put that life behind him. Laney.

  When he told me he was done with her, I wanted to be there to pick up the pieces. I agreed to be there when they were done. I wore a mask in case she was coherent. She was out of it, high on whatever they drugged her with. But I talked to her—she mumbled and nodded her head. That was all I could get out of her. So I figured if I waited long enough Lindsay would recommend my office and I would be taking her case being the only therapist in the small building. Then it all began. Jake found out about me meeting with Laney beyond that night. He was pissed and got his revenge by running Lindsay off the bridge. I came home from work one night to Jake in the basement with Lindsay. What could I do? He said if I didn’t stop seeing Laney, Lindsay would be killed. He has been toying with Lindsay ever since. He didn’t know I was still seeing her behind his back. He thought I was still playing along.

  I was playing along, but the voices eat at me. I cracked trying to save Lindsay, but she wasn’t ready. I could let her free, but she has to be gone. So far gone that she won’t remember what happened and can either go on with her life or end it. During all this, my heart has been ripped from my chest. It was stolen. By Laney.

  Lying here with all these thoughts is just a constant reminder that my secrets may be exposed. That each day that passes, Jake will do everything in his power to tear us apart. Lindsay was just the start of it. I will face him after our vacation. It could be our last time together alone before she finds out. My eyes start to get heavy. Giving in, I let them close. Drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

  ***

  BANG! BANG! BANG!

  We both fly awake from the booming outside. Laney looks to me in complete fear; I tell her to stay put. I will find out what it is. I just want her to be safe. I throw on some sweats and take off toward the stairs. Once I make it out the front door, no one is there. All the tires on her car have been slashed, windows busted, and it is pretty banged up. Stepping closer, I see a note shoved under the windshield wiper.

  SOMETIMES THERE’S A PLAN, A GAME, AND SIX PLAYERS. FAILURE TO ABIDE BY THE RULES ENDS IN DISQUALIFICATION. X

  Great, here’s his first warning. Looks like I need to get her out of town sooner than I thought. I crumple the letter, stuffing it into the pocket of my sweat pants. I don’t need her to see it and get more scared than she already is. I turn to walk back into the house to see Laney at the door, her hand covering her mouth. Eyes wide and worried, filling with tears. I am almost to the door before she spins on her heels to head back inside, slamming the door in my face when I reach it. Now she’s mad at me and she didn’t even see the letter.

  I open the door and follow her up the stairs.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask her as she turns her back to me.

  “What’s wrong? What don’t you understand, James? I told you, and now he knows! He knows I told you, and now he’s after us,” she says, picking up random things off her dresser and throwing them to the floor. Well, that’s kind of true, except for that it’s my fault, not hers.

  I tell her to calm down, that I will protect her. I have been doing just that. She can’t do anything but cry, but at least she isn’t fighting me anymore. I take her down to the living room with me and tell her to wait in there while I go clean up the glass from the car. Her car is fixable, just have to replace the tires and windows. I mean, there’s some pretty bad dents, but it’s drivable. I drag the dumpster to the car and start placing the glass in it. It takes me an hour to get everything cleaned up. I suggest to Laney that we should order new tires and windows for her car. She agrees, and I sit down at the kitchen table while she looks up different places.

  She continues looking until she finds a cheap one. She still looks worried; I want to get her out of town, but it’s still too soon. “I think I want to lay down. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’m so tired. I have been dragging ass for a week now,” she says to me, looking really pale.

  “Are you sure you’re not sick?” I ask, feeling her head for a temperature.

  “Do you think I’m pregnant?” she asks, tensing up. Shock spreads across my face, and I take a big gulp. A baby? What happens if I bring a monster like me into this world? Will I hurt it too? All these things run through my head, and I start to get nervous. Instead of freaking her out any further, I tell her we will get a test and that she shouldn’t worry too much. I go take a shower, contemplating what I’m going to do if she is pregnant. Coming out of the shower, she is standing there in the doorway.

  “What’s the matter? Did something happen?”

  “No. Nothing happened, I just was thinking about how I missed my period. It’s a really good idea that we go get that test. Like now,” she says in a firm tone, sending chills down my spine.

  I get dressed and we run to the closest pharmacy. Which reminds me to make a call for my medicine while Laney stands in line. Eleanor answers on the second ring and I ask to speak with Dr. Hazel. When she picks up she hacks all over the phone, making me want to puke. I flirt my way into asking and she agrees to send the script over. Relieved, I get in line with Laney. I can’t pick it up with her here, but I can when I go to work tomorrow.

  She flies through the front door once we get home. Rushing to the bathroom to take the test. I can’t really tell if she is anxious or excited. I follow her until I am standing outside the bathroom door. Minutes pass by before I start getting antsy and knock on the door. She doesn’t answer, so I push my way in to find her sitting on the lid of the toilet staring at the test with shaky hands.

  “I-I-I’m pregnant,” she slurs out, not even looking at me. The walls close in on me, and my chest gets tight. I drop to my knees beside her, tears springing to my eyes before I have a chance to hold them back. “I’m so sorry, James, I should have been more careful. I should have gotten on birth control the minute we ran out of condoms.”

  “It’s not your fault, it’s mine. You don’t have to have this baby if you don’t want to. I will completely understand. I don’t want this to make everything harder, or hurt you anymore.”

  “Hurt me anymore? You’ve never hurt me, and maybe a baby isn’t so bad. We can get through this together, right? You aren’t going to leave me, are you?” she asks, tears steadily
streaming down her flushed cheeks.

  “No, I would never leave you. Baby or no baby, I will always be here by your side.” The tears won’t stop pouring as we both sit on the bathroom floor, talking about what we’re going to do. The plan is to keep the baby, raise it without losing the love we have for each other, and protecting ourselves from Jake. Everything hits me like a ton of bricks. It’s real. It could be the best or the worst mistake in our lives to have this baby; but I know for a fact that whatever happens, no matter how fast our relationship moves, she makes me better.

  The annoying buzz of the alarm clock stirs us awake. I flip over onto my side to pull Laney into a spooning position, but she’s not there. After all the shit Jake keeps pulling, I am on edge. I need to know she is safe or I panic.

  “Laney?” I holler, rolling out of bed to my feet.

  “I’m down here,” she yells, her voice carrying up the stairs. Relieved, I swallow my anxiety and join her. I find her in the kitchen eating a bowl of granola. I get my own bowl and eat so we can take our jog before work. We get done eating, and I head upstairs to change when I notice she isn’t following.

  “You changing?”

  She looks up from the daze she’s in and answers, “I’m not really feeling that great. I don’t wanna get halfway down the road and we both have to turn around because I’m puking my guts out.”

  Oh yeah, she’s pregnant. How can I forget about something like that? I’m a bad father already, I think to myself. I kiss her on the forehead and tell her I will be back to drive her to work. I set off down the road, choosing to leave my headphones at home. The air is frigid, causing my muscles to feel sore. It’s been a while since I jogged, since the night the voices had me black out. I feel like I should ditch this jog and just sit for a bit. I just want to get to the pharmacy to get those pills. Not for me, but for Laney and the baby. I don’t ever want to chance them getting hurt by me. I make it to the two-mile mark and take a seat on the dew-covered grass. My phone vibrates with a call.