My Beautiful Nightmare (Beautiful Nothing #1) Page 7

  He doesn't waste any time, quickly removing his boxers. I take him all in as he stands before me, naked. His stomach muscles are clenched, his cock is standing at attention, as he moves his way up my body. Spreading my legs apart with his body, he kisses and teases me. I beg him one last time before he slowly glides his way inside of me. I let out a loud moan when he picks up his pace. I dig my nails in his back roughly, causing a low growl to escape from his lips.

  Our eyes meet and lock as his pace quickens, the sensual way he moves has me tightening around him. Burying his face in my neck his moans match mine. The more he pounds into me, the more I claw at his back and ass, gripping his hips to fill me completely. I can tell he is on edge, with each thrust as he moves deeper and deeper filling me. I finally let go and this rush of ecstasy washes over me, he follows with a loud groan.

  When he rolls off of me, he carries me to the shower. What I didn't expect is his him to climb in with me. He grabs a wash cloth and gently washes my body, cleaning and rinsing all the sweat away. When he grabs his wash cloth to start on his own, I stop him. Taking it I gradually start cleaning him. He rinses off and gets out first, wrapping himself in a towel. He does the same for me and carries me right back to bed. Laying me down gently he slides in next to me in his towel, wrapping his arms around me from behind. This was the first time I've been with anyone as sweet as James. Placing his head in the crease of my neck he whispers.

  "You will be okay, I promise one day you will not hide from your past. You will embrace the victory of being alive, you will not feel like the victim anymore. It will take time Laney, it will, but you have to fight."

  I don't really understand half of what he is saying because I am so overwhelmed with my thoughts. I finally let another man in, which don't get me wrong makes me happy. But it also makes me breakable. I have fought so hard over these long months to forget. Being with him though makes it easy, almost too easy. When I finally bounce back I hear him snoring softly in my ear. I close my eyes and visualize my nightmares becoming beautiful and bright dreams.

  That didn't happen.

  Do you ever wonder how monsters are made? How does someone get a thrill out of inflicting pain upon another human being?

  I have, I wonder it as Brad climbs on top of me wearing an evil smile. Brad is one of Jake's friends that I hated the most. Being a womanizer since college, he treated girls like they were trash that someone had forgotten to take out.

  He has been rejected by women since he threw out his knee playing college football. I despise him, he has hit on me more times than I can count. Every time I rejected him he would call me names and not come around for weeks at a time, which I was thankful for.

  As I lay beneath him I know that there is nothing I can do. I don't give him the high he is looking for, so he becomes that monster that lives in nightmares. No longer fighting, I lay silently as he takes what he wants. A piece of me was taken tonight, perhaps it was the little bit of faith I had for humanity.

  "Wake up! Wake up Laney, it's a nightmare it's not real!" James says as he is shaking me from my nightmare. "It's okay I'm here, there is no one here to hurt you." I see fire, bolting out of bed away from him, stumbling and breathless until my back hits the window.

  "No, don't come near me! You don't know what it was like! You don't know how it felt to be completely torn apart, fucking laying there useless and trapped! You can't tell me it's not real, I can still feel their hands all over me scarring me, breaking my existence. You can look in the mirror at yourself James, I can't. I can't fucking do it! Did you know that? I am fucked nothing can fix me, not even you!"

  He looks taken back as I scream at him. I want to be sorry for the way I lashed out but I don't. I want him to leave, I don't want him to see me so broken.

  "James when you go to sleep at night and have a nightmare, you can wake up and everything is okay. My nightmares are with me even if I'm awake. I can't hide from them, they find me no matter what." I say calmly as my breathing returns to normal. "I just want you to go, please just go home. The night we had was wonderful and I really love that you are trying so hard to fix me. But I need to be alone. I have lost pieces of myself that I can't get back and my best friend, I can't just forget about it because you want me to."

  He crawls of the bed speechless, grabbing his clothes. After he is dressed he walks over to me, places a warm kiss on my forehead. Without a word he leaves closing the door behind him.

  I heard somewhere once that in order to love another person, you must love yourself first. What's funny is I am starting to fall in love with James even though I have never hated myself more than I do right now.

  ***

  One Week Later

  Sitting in this empty house this past week has be dreadful. I couldn't watch TV, read or listen to music. Nothing would work to get my mind off what happened. James hasn't spoken to me since that night and I couldn't talk myself into calling him either. I feel so alone and empty not having Lindsay around, being alone I can still hear her voice echoing throughout the house. The search and rescue crew never did find her body at the bottom of the Hudson, which still gave me hope that she was alive. That's all I have left to hold on to.

  After four weeks of searching they put the case a side along with all the other women that go missing, stating that if she isn't found in a year they assume she died. That's it, after four weeks they call everything off, like she doesn't deserve to be rescued. It's hard to not think about her being taken or killed and dumped somewhere. It's even worse when she could still be alive, imagining if she could be going through what I did somewhere.

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath trying to clear my mind. I need to get up and do something with myself. I head to my bedroom to throw on some jogging shorts and a white tank top. Putting on my sneakers, I make my way down the steps. I need to jog and try to clear my thoughts. I don't realize until I look at my phone for the time, that today is my 26th birthday. When it finally dawns on me, it takes me right back to Lindsay and the dress she got for me.

  I throw my head phones on, until the sound of it drowns out all room for thinking.

  I only make it a few miles down the road before I drop to my knees. Screaming at the top of my lungs, I beg god to give me a reason for everything that has happened. If there was a god why would he let me be raped, why would he take my best friend and why leave me alone. Of course there was no answer, a couple of cars pass by but none bat an eye. Tears stream down my face as I stare at the sky, praying for my life back.

  When my eyes finally dry, I look down to the ground as I watch the first rain drop fall. I imagine the angels are crying for me, giving me pity for being so weak. Just when I think I am out of tears, I feel a salty one roll down my cheek to my lips. I turn to walk home as the thunder rumbles, feeling sorry for myself for what I need to do next.

  Chapter 14

  The first cut is the deepest

  My body is numb from the frigid rain, as I walk through the door. I can't do this anymore, I can't mend something that is missing its pieces. I can't fight for a worthless life of loneliness. In soaked clothes I lay on the couch, planning how to end it all.

  I text James telling him I am sorry for hurting him, and that I am finally going to face the monster hidden in the mirror. I lay my phone on the coffee table, heading to the bathroom. I slowly strip away each layer of clothing, leading up the stairs. Stopping at the hallway closet where Lindsay's mom kept all her craft supplies. I struggle through the plastic drawers on the storage bin, finally finding what I was looking for. The rectangular blade is keen as I lay it flat in my hand. Examining the small piece of metal, I know that in just a small amount of time I can end the pain.

  Standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror, eyes closed. I take deep breaths, pumping up the small amount of courage I have left. I want to look at myself, I want to know if there is reason to hold on. The edged blade is resting in my balled up fist, I can feel the sharpness breaking through the skin and I open
my eyes. The reflection staring back at me shows no sign of the woman I used to be, but a flawed and empty shadow.

  Lightning flashes through the small bathroom window making me jump, dropping the blade into the sink.

  Blood trickles from my hand down my forearm into the sink as I watch dazed. I don't feel the punishment I want and feel disappointed. I start the water for the tub placing the stopper in and wait.

  I seize the razor from the sink, then climb into the scalding hot water. My pale skin changes to scarlet as I my body in, finally feeling the burn. Raising the blade I angle the edge across my left wrist, I let out a scream as I force the razor deep, piercing the slender skin. My heart picks up its pace, watching the blood gush from the crimson line.

  The thrill of the slice causes me to experience the relief I was hunting for.

  I repeat the job on the other wrist, this time is different. I drop my wrists into the water and the hot water rips the gore from them.

  Pain is all I feel now, there is no turning back. The intensity has my eyes full of tears, my heart is pounding so hard as I watch the water turn horror red. I close my eyes and let my demons free.

  To Be Continued.....

  The End

  Epilogue

  James

  I am laying in my bed when I hear my phone chime. I have a text from Laney, I am so relieved that she is finally talking to me again. Her text scares me shitless though, definitely not what I was expecting. She tells me she is sorry for hurting me and that she never meant to. She says she wants to face the monster in the mirror. I don't know what that means but it sure as hell doesn't sound good, so I reply back with.

  Me: Are you okay? Do you need me to come over?

  She doesn't answer, starting to worry I send a few more texts the last one being I am coming over.

  I hop in the shower, to get the sweat off me from working in the basement. Throwing on a white t shirt and a pair of faded jeans, I slip my shoes on and head to my car.

  Thirty minutes later I arrive at her house. The rain is pouring heavy on the windshield as I park the car. I climb out and trot to the door, noticing it's agape and rush inside. The strange feeling of something being very wrong is growing stronger with each step I take.

  Walking through the door I turn and close it, I don't want to call for her and scare her. I make my way into the living room, noticing the puddles of water trailing around the room over to the couch. The couch has a large damp spot, but Laney is nowhere to be seen. I go peek in the kitchen and she isn't there either. So I figure she is most likely in her room.

  Once I hit the stairs I see pieces of her clothes leading up the stairs and follow them. In the hallway, I see the bathroom light seeping out under the door. I cautiously turn the knob with the flick of my wrist it opens. The steam from the room fogs my vision as I step all the way in. Water splashes at my feet, looking down I notice a reddish tint to the water. I quickly glance up in terror.