My Beautiful Nightmare (Beautiful Nothing #1) Page 6

  "So that's why he was there this morning?"

  "Yup. He never left. He stayed with you all night. He actually told me to go home and get some rest so I could pick you up today."

  "Wow," is all I could say.

  "I think Dr. Hottie has a crush on you babe."

  "That's just fucking perfect," I exclaim.

  "I'd say, have you ever looked at his tight muscular ass in those dress pants?" Lindsay questions.

  Rolling my eyes, I laugh at her comment. I tell her I am gonna shower and lay down for a nap, and that's exactly what I did.

  Chapter 11

  Gone

  I wake to my heartbeat throbbing in my temples, not exactly how I planned waking up after a two hour nap. It's about four o'clock in the evening and now I am wide awake. I decide to call Katy letting her know I want to return to work next week. She agrees with a very annoying chat about how much pity she has for me. After fifteen minutes I tell her I have another call I need to take, with that we hang up.

  I head downstairs looking for Lindsay, but she is nowhere to be found. That's odd she is usually home from work by now or at least texts me if she does something after. I shoot her a text and realize I am starving so I start to make a ham and cheese sandwich.

  Ten minutes pass and I am starting to get antsy. Lindsay hasn't texted back or even called. I call her hoping that she answers. Nothing once again, now panic is kicking in, she doesn't do this ever. She always calls or messages back no matter what; unless her phone is dead. It didn't go straight to voicemail so that's not it either.

  A loud ding from my cell phone makes me jump, it's not Lindsay though.

  James: Hey I was just checking in on you to see how you were doing. Does 10am tomorrow sound good for your appointment?

  Me: I can't find Lindsay. She won't answer my texts or calls! Have you heard from her?

  James: I will take that as you’re not doing well? And no I haven't seen or heard from her since last night when I told her to go home so she could come get you today.

  Me: Shit! I am really worried this isn't like her at all! I can't talk right now.

  I close out my messages and start calling everyone I think of that may have seen or talked to her. First place I call is her work they said she came in around two just to get her pay check and that she was taking off work the rest of the week to be with me. I told them that she never came home and now they are starting to worry too. It's about five o'clock now that means she has been missing since then, three hours and her work is only thirty minutes from home.

  Where the hell is she? I ask them if they know about the guy she is seeing from work and if he knows where she is. They said his name is Tyler and he is the one taking her shift so she can have off and that he hasn't heard anything either. They said that they will call around and get back to me with any news and we hang up.

  I can't think of anyone else to call and the time is ticking by so very slowly as I watch the clock. I notice that I have two missed calls from James and three texts. I ignore the missed calls, I don't want to chat on the phone because I will end up crying he has already seen me at my worse. I look at the texts and now he is worried asking if I need him to come over. I send back a message letting him know I am fine just worried that I still haven't heard from her. Just as I hit send I hear a knock at the door. My thoughts drift to him being behind the door but my gut tells me different. Gripping the chilled metal door knob I slowly turn. What's behind the door makes every fear I have ever had seem like comfort.

  A police officer with a dishearten look on his face stands on the door step. As soon as I see the emotion on his face my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach.

  "Ms. Harper?"

  "Yes that's me, what happened is she okay?!" I squeak out, noticing that tears are steady flowing down my cheeks I wipe them away.

  "You are listed as Lindsay Ann Worthington's next of kin. I am here to inform you that her car was found at the bottom of Hudson River. She however was not found in the vehicle or anywhere nearby, I am so sorry ma’am'."

  At this moment I feel defeat, like all the tears I have cried will never compare to the lost, empty numbness I feel right now. I can see the officer moving his lips but I don't hear a sound, the anxiety is back and my vision goes black.

  I wake with a start breathing in and out shallow breaths. I look around the room looking for a sign of Lindsay praying I was dreaming. Realization sets in when I look over and see the police officer and James standing in the door way in silent conversation. I roll off the couch onto my feet and rush to the door.

  "Where is she?! Why are you just standing here, why aren't you out there looking for her?!!" I scream.

  "We are doing the best we can ma’am. I have search and rescue out on the river. They have been out there for hours."

  "Calm down sweetheart they will find her, you need to take deep breaths and relax you have already had two anxiety attacks within two days." James says.

  "Do you seriously think that I care Dr. Hardy? My best friend is missing or floating down the Hudson River and you want me to fucking calm down? Fuck you!"

  I am so mad I see black spots floating in my vision and I start throwing my fist, pounding on his chest. He lets me hit him repeatedly before I run out of strength.

  When he sees that I am done he pins my hands to my sides and wraps his arms around me tight. He slowly slides down the wall with my back to his chest until he reaches around and cradles me in his lap. I just let him hold me as I weep in his chest.

  I don't remember most of the night, I just remember that my best friend is still missing and that James stayed the entire night arms wrapped around me. I am thankful for it, even if I don't show it. If he wasn't here I don't know what I am capable of. I stir in his arms and he finally breaks his hold, giving me an opening to get out. I slowly tip toe towards the hallway to the bathroom trying not to wake him. As I pass Lindsay's room Images of her face flashes in my mind, questions start flaring up out of nowhere and I can feel the hot salty tears run slowly down my face to my lips.

  James finds me in the hall way in a ball, silently grieving the loss of my best friend. He drops to his knees beside me, reaching out to lift me into his arms. Once I am in his hold he tries to comfort me with the warmth of his arms and his words.

  "Laney, I know you are upset and that nothing I say can possibly make you feel any better, but I am gonna give it a shot. You will battle your way through this and through your past. You are a strong woman, I can feel it when I am around you and I can see it in your sad blue eyes. You have the fight inside you to stop hiding behind your demons and make it through anything."

  I don't reply I just let his words sink in as he holds me close and this is the safest I have ever felt being in a man’s arms. Everything that I have kept behind that door in the back of my mind comes flowing out as I cry for hours. The realization of being raped and abused by a man I thought I loved and trusted. His friends that joined in that I thought were my friends at one time. Losing Lindsay, not knowing if she is alive or dead. Everything just hits me like a wave of sorrow that I can't ever swim out of its reach before it swallows me into darkest spot in the bottom of the sea. I don't know what he said that makes me tell him every detail of what happened, but I do as I watch his face as he takes in every word. He carries me back to my room and lies me on the bed.

  I tell him about the letter as I reach in my nightstand, crumbling the letter placing it in his hand. He doesn't say a word just reads it and takes it all in with a pained expression.

  "Do you know who all six of these guys are?"

  "I am sure of Jake, but I don't remember anything else. I get these dreams or flash backs which honestly I don't know if they are real or if it's my mind playing tricks on me from reading the letter. In my nightmares Harry, Casey and Brad were all a part of it." I trail off trying to remember.

  "That's only four of them, you haven't had any more dreams about the other two mentioned in the letter?"

&nbs
p; "No, not at all."

  I sit nervously as he takes it all in. Worrying what he will do has me biting my nails down to the skin. He gently reaches to remove my hand from my mouth and places his hand in mine. I ask him what I should do, he tells me that if I don't go to the police that the only thing I can do is talk about it. That I should never bottle up my emotions or run from my fears. That nothing they did was my fault and that I shouldn't look at myself as such. I don't feel the tears rolling down my cheeks until he wipes them away. My thoughts float back to Lindsay and I feel nauseated. She could be stranded in the middle of the river hurt, or kidnapped or killed sitting on the river floor. I raise myself up off the bed and he gives me a questioning look.

  "If my best friend is alive I am going to find her." I tell him as I slide my sneakers onto my feet.

  "Laney, its midnight, the search and rescue team is still out there searching for her, they won't even let you in or around the scene while on the water."

  "I am going."

  I walk out of the house without looking back, I can hear him shuffling to keep up with me. I go to open my car door and he shuts it. I give him a look that could kill questioning what he is doing.

  "I will drive you, I don't think you should drive unless you want to end up in the bottom of the Hudson as well. Your anxiety attacks are becoming stronger it's just not safe for you or anyone else if you’re behind a wheel right now."

  I listen to him and follow him to his car, he opens the door and I slide in. We set off to find my best friend I silently pray that we find her alive and safe.

  Chapter 12

  Lost without you

  One Month Later

  I am sitting at my piano slowly gliding my finger across the keys, trying to get this song playing in my head out. I never press hard enough to get the keys to make their chime. Ever since the night at the river, not finding Lindsay has crushed me, every inch of my soul has been stolen. I no longer laugh or cry. I spend my days frustrated at work trying to force the depressing tunes without luck. I spend my nights alone in my room with bottles of wine. Katy, my boss, is always asking how I can do my job if I won't play. My last response blew her away.

  "How does a blind man read? How does a man with no legs walk? Katy why don't you tell me how a deaf man can sing. I can teach children without playing the damn piano! It's written down on paper and it's not hard to follow! Why don't you just tell me what you really want, why don't you just fire me and be done?!" I snap at her for the first time in my life.

  The look on her face was priceless, she didn't fire me though she just left me sitting there and walked off with her nose in the air. The thing is I don't care anymore about how I affect others, shit I don't even care how it affects me. Losing Lindsay made me lose a piece of myself, a piece that I will never get back. I still see James but not in his office though he comes to my house. Besides Lindsay he is the only person I have let in.

  Over the last month I have grown closer to him, he has been filling the empty void in my life by listening to my thoughts and letting me drown in self-pity while I chug bottles of wine each night. He puts me to bed and tries to give me useless advice that will make me better as I ignore him.

  Sometimes I believe that I could hold my head up and be the woman that he thinks I am, why though what is there left to hang on to?

  I pull up to my house and notice his car is there already, which is odd because he usually doesn't show up until I am on at least a second bottle. I get out and way up the path leading to the door and find him sitting on the porch swing with a smile. I retort with a frown, as I walk pass him to unlock the door. He doesn't follow me in and I turn around and go back out after I set my things down on the coffee table.

  "Why are you just sitting there? You're early today, which is good because I almost got fired."

  "Fired? Who did you snap on today?"

  "Why do you assume that I am the one that snapped?"

  "Because Laney you are always the one to snap, bend or break. I listen to you day in and day out about every problem that you have or feel and you never for one second ask how my day is, or how I am coping with all this."

  "You coping? What on earth do you have to cope with Dr. Hardy? What has happened that is so horrible that you need to cope? Did you get raped? Did you lose your one and only best friend a month ago?"

  "Actually Laney I sit here and watch you drown yourself in bottle after bottle and it crushes me that I can't do or say anything to make you feel like you deserve to free yourself from your sorrow. I hate seeing you fall apart in my arms every night, I hate that I can't help you cope. And I can't fucking stand the fact that I am watching a beautiful woman that I am starting to fall in love with kill the fire that burns in her eyes!" He practically shouts at me.

  "In love? You're in love with me?"

  "Yes! I think I have been in love with you from the day you walked into that club. I have never in my life been so jealous, when he placed his hands on your hips I blacked out everything and went to you. Then when you fell to the floor I was so scared of what was happening."

  "Oh my God." I am speechless.

  I don't know how I feel, I just grab his hand dragging him in the house to the couch. We order take out from the Chinese menu and chat as we wait for our food. He asks me how I feel about him having feelings for me and if I feel any for him. I tell him about how Lindsay and I would joke about it. That I called him Dr. Sexy for a while.

  He actually gets a few laughs out of me and it feels good to laugh. Here I thought that I would never laugh again.

  Out of nowhere he brushes a strand of hair off my face tucking it behind my ear, leaning in so close I can feel his hot breath blow across my lips, with our eyes locked in silent conversation he leans in and kisses me.

  His lips are soft and sweet he places his hand on the back of my head deepen the kiss, prying my mouth open with his tongue. The kiss intensifies when he lays me down beneath him on the couch. His hands start to roam under my shirt just as he lifts me up to unhook my bra the there is a knock on the door.

  Bowing his head in defeat he kisses the tip of my nose before he gets up to answer the door. That kiss was something that I can't explain, no one has ever kissed me with so much feeling. If I am being honest with myself, I'd have to say that he is going to save me from myself. .

  Chapter 13

  I See Fire

  After the food arrives, we eat in silence and finish off another bottle of cheap red wine. He is the one that breaks the silence when he states that he didn't mean to kiss me and that he didn't want it to seem like he was coming on too strong.

  "No, you didn't come on strong at all. It was an in the moment kind of thing I felt it too. I may have had a few, well more than a few glasses of wine, but I liked it."

  With that he gets up and takes the dishes to the kitchen sink, then stalks towards me. Reaching his hand out for me to take he pulls me up to him.

  "I want you, Laney."

  "I am right here, James."

  Placing his hand under my chin, he lifts my head so he can see me. His tender green eyes are pinned to mine before he gently closes them and kisses me again. This time is more careful, more sensual. He slides his hands down to my ass smoothly lifting me, wrapping my legs around his waist as I tightly hold onto his thick tattooed neck. He walks us towards my room upstairs not saying a word. Kicking open the door we move to the bed. He slowly lays me down, eyes still locked.

  "Are you sure you want this?"

  I give him a nod as he strips his shirt off, then his shoes and pants.

  Dropping to his knees at the edge of the bed, he slowly removes my jeans until I am laying there in my barely there panties. Leaning forward he trails feather light kisses up the inside of my leg. Repeating the process on the other leg until he comes to a stop at my inner thighs, right in the crease so close to my now very wet pussy. Hooking his fingers into the top of my panties, he looks at me asking for permission. I give him a nod and he lazily slides th
em down and off my ankles.

  When they drop to the ground and he takes a second to take in my bareness, the nervousness sets in. He asks me to lift up slightly as he removes the rest of my clothing. I am now laying completely exposed before him, I feel embarrassed and unsure.

  "Are afraid of me?”

  "No, but I am scared. I am scared that once you know all my secrets, all of my flaws and all of my worries that you will disappear."

  "Laney, baby we all have secrets, flaws, and worries. If you keep them hidden forever you will never be free."

  "You don't know what they did to me. It wasn't just rape, James. It was personal. Each one had a reason. Each one had their own fantasies to play out. I don't even remember who they all were." I softly whisper as I reach out and run my hand across his unshaven cheek.

  "I can make you forget if you just let me." He says gently as he places his hand over mine.

  He leans in kissing me on the tip of my nose, working his way down to my mouth. Once our lips connect I feel his warm tongue roll across my lips, forcing my mouth to open slightly letting him in. Our tongues massage each other’s in matching rhythm. He taste so divine. Deepening the kiss he glides his hand between my legs. I can feel his finger slide between my folds and my mind shuts off, leaving my body in control.

  His finger sinks in earning him a soft whimper as he gradually moves in and out. My body trembles for more as he nips and licks at my neck, trailing slowly down my chest to my hardened nipples. Each time he pulls out slowly, he pushes back in with more force. It's like my body can't get enough.

  "Please James, make me forget." I beg him gripping the bed sheet.