My Beautiful Nightmare (Beautiful Nothing #1) Page 4

  We sit there for what it seems like forever, before Eleanor calls my name to go back.

  "Follow me dear, the doctor is running late coming back from his lunch. I don't think he will be too much longer though, so you can just wait in his office." She says as she leads me through a wooden door.

  The office is small, there is a five tier book shelf to the right. A leather couch placed in the middle of the room, across from that there is a large dark cherry colored wood desk. The one window directly across the room from the door is the only thing lighting the room. I turn back to Eleanor questioning the lighting. She says that Doctor Hardy likes to have dim lighting in the room that it makes it easier for the patients to open up to him, and if they feel uncomfortable that he turns on the lamp on his desk. I thank her and she turns and leaves. I am not only waiting alone in the dark, but alone with my thoughts.

  I imagine that the doctor is going to be a fat, older bald man with glasses resting on the tip of his nose. You know the ones you see in the movies, who sit there miserable with their lives and enjoy telling you what to do by the hour. I picture him judging me and that he will be there for money, not give two shits about what I've been through.

  I start to walk over to the couch to take a seat but out of the corner of my eye curiosity strikes. I carry myself over to the book shelf and run my fingers along the beautiful collection of classic novels. My first thought is this guy has good taste in books, I wonder what else he likes. I leave the book shelf and sneak across the room to his desk. I look for photographs of his family, anything to show me who he is. I don't see anything at all, just stacks of forms, posted notes and a cup full of pens. I see all the normal things you would find on a doctor's desk, all but what I am looking for.

  I give up my search and make my way over to the leather couch to sit, when my cell phone chimes.

  Lindsay: What's up?

  Me: Umm waiting...bored.

  Lindsay: Me too watching Doctor Phil in the waiting room. Ha-ha not my kind of show.

  Me: LOL

  Me: So what does doctor Hardy look like?

  I don't pay attention to the chime after that but what catches my attention has me flabbergasted instantly.

  In walks a beautiful nightmare. My beautiful nightmare.

  The first thing I notice about Doctor Hardy is he is most defiantly not an old fat bald man, with glasses. He is the exact opposite of anything my brain could muster. He is young, tall and very muscular. I haven't taken my eyes off his shoulders and arms since he walked through the damn door. The way the white button down shirt hangs open at the top of his chest. His shoulders are very broad, leading down to his arms reveling every cut in his defined biceps.

  When I finally make my brain focus, I slowly force my eyes to his face. What a face this man has. Once our eyes meet though it's as if I am looking into a rain forest where the rain keeps everything glistening green. That green that you can't describe because it doesn't exist but in only a few places in the world. The green that is staring back at me with so much intensity I want to cower away. He has those eyes. He slowly parts his lips as his tongue peaks out and rolls across his bottom lip. I can feel my panties getting moist, and instantly knew I had made a bad decision listening to Lindsay. No wonder Lindsay comes here four times a week.

  I notice that he is staring at back at me with the same intense stare and I blush.

  He reaches his hand out for me to shake as he introduces himself.

  "Dr. Hardy... um you must be Lane... Laney right?"

  He came in here and doesn't even know my name. I giggle like an idiot.

  "Yeah, I'm Laney." I say awkwardly putting my hand in his.

  "Nice to meet you, I am sorry I just came back from a lunch from hell with a friend of mine, well a person. I mean an aquatint. Ugh...sorry I am so late, this doesn't normally happen." He stutters his words as he takes his suit jacket off his chair and puts it on.

  "You're fine, no big deal. I don't even think I am ready for anything with you. I mean talk, I don't think I am ready to talk to you today can we reschedule?" I stumble and trip over my words and fall flat on my face. I turn completely red in the face realizing how horrible it sounded.

  "Are you sure? I mean we can reschedule if that's what you want. Whatever you want Laney I can make happen." He says in a voice so strictly professional and dominant that I can feel my panties melting off.

  What the hell is wrong with me? I came here to tell a therapist how I was raped and abused and left alone. Not sit here blushing and wanting to get in his pants. I stand there just staring at him like an idiot as he waits for an answer.

  "Yeah I think I need to reschedule, I'm not feeling very good all of a sudden." I say holding my stomach. Little does he know that I am holding it to keep the butterflies from fluttering out of my mouth.

  I rush out of the office, passing Eleanor as she mumbles something about that being fast. I shuffle towards Lindsay and grab her arm pushing her out the door.

  "What in the fuck Laney!" She says full of surprise.

  "You saw Dr. Hardy and didn't even think for one second, that maybe his hotness would kind of ruin the mood for me to drop the rape bomb on him?!"

  Lindsay starts rolling over in laughter and I am steady looking at her like she is insane.

  "Laney, I have no clue who Dr. Hardy is. I see Dr. Hazel and she is an older woman who does not fit the "hotness description" but now I think I should change doctors." She says as she is still laughing.

  "Oh. My. God. He is Beautiful Lindsay I can't talk to him... you don't understand. I was literally flirting with him. My vagina is a slut and it did all the talking! What the hell is wrong with me, I am officially broken!" I basically squeak at her.

  "Calm your tits babe. It’s perfectly normal for your vagina to flirt with a sexy man, nothing to be ashamed of."

  "Second, you are totally gonna grow some woman balls of fire and reschedule that appointment because you need to talk to someone besides me about it."

  "How? How can I go in there and tell a man, and when I say man I mean man. About being raped by multiple men? How?" I trail off when I see the shocked look on her face because of something behind me.

  There he stands with a furious look on his face and I turn completely red in the face. All that runs through my head is that he is pissed off that I am standing outside his office building bitching about how I was raped and won't talk to him.

  "I am so sorry Dr. Hardy I will leave. I am so very sorry." I gush out.

  "Nothing to be sorry about Laney. I would like for you to take your time but I definitely want to talk to you, so please make your way back into Eleanor to reschedule your appointment."

  As he turns to leave he turns back around and says.

  "And Laney... I look forward to seeing you soon."

  As soon as he turns away, I all but run back into his office and reschedule my appointment. As I walk back through the door Lindsay is in her car laughing her ass off, she wipes her tears off and continues.

  "That was way too funny Lane! I should have videoed the whole thing! "

  "Oh my god and the look on your face. The way he was all like you better do this and then your ass jogs back in the door without a word!"

  "That was not funny Lindsay. That was called embarrassment at its finest. Don't you dare get it twisted!"

  "No that was funny shit, you just didn't see it from my point of view."

  I just roll my eyes and let her laugh about it. We make our way back home and instead of thinking about all the shit I went through, my thoughts are on him. My sexy, demanding and did I say, sexy therapist?

  Chapter 6

  The Wait

  It's been two days since I freaked out at Dr. Hardy's office. I scheduled my new appointment for two days from now, and each day it creeps closer and closer. I get more and more nervous, I have tried to call and cancel three times. Each time I call the number it goes straight to the office voicemail. I told Lindsay I can't do it and she keeps
encouraging me that I should. The worst part is I am looking at it like it's a date, when in all actuality I am supposed to explain to him why I am there. Every time I try to prepare for what I want to say my mind goes directly to how sexy his shoulders are, how his green eyes burn into my blue ones. I am screwed plain and simple.

  Lindsay walks in the door from work and comes directly to my room.

  "Damn bitch don't you have a job? If I knew that giving you your own room would make you a hermit I would have kept you on the couch." She says sarcastically.

  “Ha-ha very funny. I am just trying to figure out what I am going to say to Dr. Sexy without looking like a complete weird slut of some sort." I practically whine.

  "One, what happened was not your fault Laney, you are gonna have to learn to accept that. Two, yes Dr. Sexy is well sexy and you are not a slut, weird but not even remotely a slut. I mean for fuck sake Laney you were with that jackass for five years, never in a million years would anyone ever think he would do something so immoral."

  "I am just worried about something else, something that makes me feel so dumb." I say.

  "What is it talk to me, I am sure whatever is running through your mind is just nerves babe."

  "I am actually more nervous that if I tell him all of what happened that he will not be attracted to me and that I will lose out on any chance that I may have with him."

  "Is that bad, am I really this fucked up? Why is he the only thing on my mind? How can anyone go from being torn apart by men and then be okay how is any of this okay?"

  I just sit there steadily rambling on until Lindsay burst out laughing clenching her gut.

  "What is so funny? I am serious what is wrong with me?"

  "Babe I think you're going to be okay."

  "Okay? What do you mean I am going to be okay? I am so fucked up in the head."

  "Laney nothing is wrong with that pretty little head of yours. You found something, or should I say someone that can make the pain, those awful dreams, or memories disappear."

  "I don't even know him! How can that happen? I don't think that's normal Lindsay!" I spit out.

  "Trust me you'll see."

  I take her advice but I don't understand why or what she means.

  We chat for an hour about her job and how I am lacking at mine. Which reminds me that I need to call and let them know that I will be back within a week hopefully I think to myself. Lindsay is passed out on my bed. She must have had a hard day at work. I gently cover her up and make my way out to the kitchen.

  It's about 6:30 pm and I am starting to feel hungry so I make myself a chicken salad sandwich. I hate being alone with my thoughts sometimes it takes me back in the moment with Jake and the way he looked in my eyes with the dark twisted stare. I quickly eat my sandwich and head to take a shower.

  After my shower I quietly walk back to my room and find Lindsay awake on her phone.

  She smiles and flips me off. I take my head towel off and shake it over my head to dry my hair, then toss it at her head. She loses her balance and falls off my bed backwards. I hear her thud and her cussing me, happy I head to the dresser for clothes. I get dressed in a big gray t-shirt I have had for years and a pair of black lace panties.

  I jump on the bed and crawl over to where Lindsay fell off the bed. I find her laying on the floor where she fell twirling her hair still on the phone. Being myself I lean over and make kissy faces at her as she slaps me away hushing me. I laugh and roll back on to the bed. It's good to see her happy, it makes me think of old times in this room we use to hang out in as teenagers.

  I can feel him on top of me. The heaviness is what wakes me groggily. I try to move I am still restrained, I am stuck in a nightmare. His sweat is rolling from his forehead it's hot and trickling onto my chest. Breathing hard and grunting I feel him moving inside of me.

  I am too numb to actually feel anything but the burn it's causing. I am scared to open my eyes, scared to know who it is this time. I take a leap of bravery and lazily open my eyes to find the one person I would least expect. Casey, he is or was Jake's roadie. He was always so shy, sweet and never really seemed good with the ladies.

  "Casey,” I whisper on a broken sob.

  "Don't talk Laney, please just don't talk. I have wanted you from the first time I laid eyes on you, don't ruin this for me. I don't want to hurt you."

  "You are hurting me Casey, this hurts."

  "God damn it Laney!

  I have to do this please shut the fuck up, I need this. I need you to want me, please just want me." He yells spitting venom from his words.

  I feel him push inside me deeper and I look at him in the eyes as I scream in pain. He chants out that he is sorry and not to look at him. I do the exact opposite and continue to look deep in his eyes and see my terrified eyes reflect back at me.

  He starts to get angry which makes him become rough. He quickly reaches up and forces my head to the side as he continues his assault. I thrash under him as he picks up his pace and finishes. He lays there on top of me out of breath as he repeats how sorry he is and rubs my sweat filled hair.

  "I hate you," I say.

  "I am sorry Laney, I never meant to hurt you."

  "Yes you did, you are a sick bastard!" I scream.

  I spit in his face and now he is starting to cry. How can such a monster cry for what he has done? How can he pity himself? He slowly removes himself from me, and makes his way to the bathroom.

  I hear the shower turn on and finally take a second to breathe, tears are streaming from my eyes and I didn't even know they were there. I close my eyes and try to calm myself down before he comes back, but before I could finish that thought in walks Brad with a terrifying grin.

  I wake with a thump and pain radiating throughout the side of my head. I fell out of the bed and managed to hit my head on the corner of the nightstand. I wake up screaming, my t-shirt is dripping from sweat. Then there's thudding coming from the hallway. Lindsay is running, bursting through the door to my side. I all but fly into her arms.

  "Oh my god sweetie your head is bleeding!"

  "I don't care! I am letting my tears flow into her pink eighty as she holds me in the corner of the room on the floor.

  "Casey, Lindsay, Casey was one of them too."

  "Oh my god sweetie, I am so sorry this happened and that these dreams are eating away at you. We need to get you into the doctor and get you help. I wish I could make it all go away babe. I love you so much I hate to see you in so much pain. This shit is not only fucking with you mentally but physically, I mean Laney your head is gushing with blood! Please let me help you with that if I can do anything, can I at least do that."

  All I can do is nod and allow her to help me back onto the bed. She rushes down stairs to get the medical kit, as I lay there in a ball. She returns and cleans me up and she goes to the dresser and pulls out a new t-shirt. She helps me sit up and removes my wet one and replaces it with the new one. When she is finished I lay back down and she lays next to me and pulls me in close. I slowly fade out the world around me and fall asleep in the arms of my best friend.

  Chapter 7

  Sleep It Off

  The sound of the radio blaring in the next room is what wakes me. I am not even close to being ready to get out of bed. I roll over onto my side and grab the extra pillow to cover my ears. Squeezing my eyes tight, praying silently that sleep will come back. That's when Lindsay comes barreling through the door.

  "Laney I know you had a rough night but I seriously had to get some cleaning done around here. I am sorry about the radio, I can't clean without it."

  "Do you really need it that loud?"

  "Well yeah, I mean no not really but I wanted you to get up." She giggles.

  "Bitch." I groan.

  She makes her way over to my bed and sits on the side I am facing. She is wearing a huge grin and I know something is up. So I tell her to spill the beans.

  "Well you sure as hell don't enjoy cleaning at nine in the morning so what's up
?" I ask.

  "Well see there is guy I work with, I mean he is a friend from work. He just started working there and I am showing him the ropes." She stutters.

  "Well if you’re cleaning, I am guessing you’re talking about the ropes your planning on tying him up with in your room then huh?"

  "Oh my god! I can't believe you just said that!" She says as she playfully shoves my arm.

  "Just saying, so what he is coming over to hang out?"

  "Yes! He was who I was talking to last night. He is really a great guy Lane, he loves kids and video games!" She says excited.

  "He sounds like a kid!" I laugh at her.

  I tell her I am joking and that I am happy for her. Just as she was headed out the door, she turns back to me and asks if I will be okay alone in my room tonight. I tell her I will be absolutely fine and not to worry, lying to her and myself knowing that I will have way too much to think about. After she shuts the door I just roll over and close my eyes. There is no reason for me to get up, I have no work today, no Dr. Hardy, and no man to take care of.

  I end up sleeping the whole day and full night away without any nightmares. I wake up the next day full of energy and decided it would be a good day to take a jog to clear my head. I grab a black sports bra, pink gym shorts and my sneakers out of the closet and sit them on the bed. I head to the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face and throw my hair up in a bun on top of my head. As I brush my teeth I hear a door creak open down the hall, with the tooth brush still hanging out of my mouth I peak out the door.

  Lindsay is on her tip toes sneaking down to the kitchen in a man’s shirt. I quickly turn so she doesn't see me and giggle. I am truly happy for her. The last boyfriend she had was just a flat out jerk. He kept her from her friends, lied and cheated. I am so happy she started realizing that she deserved better. When I am finished brushing my teeth I head back to my room to get dressed. I grab my cell phone with the arm band it goes in and my headphones. I open the door to peak out, I don't want Lindsay knowing I am awake.