My Beautiful Nightmare (Beautiful Nothing #1) Page 5

  If she finds me sneaking out for a jog she will most likely try to leave the guy in her bed to go with me. When I hear her talking in her room, I sneak down the hallway then downstairs. When I reach the kitchen I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge and go out the front door quietly.

  Once I'm outside I walk to the edge of the driveway just in case she looks out the window. It's a chilly morning and I instantly regret not wearing a shirt over my sports bra. I begin stretching to warm up before I take off.

  Adele's, Rolling in the Deep, is blaring in my ears as I set off down the windy back roads in the middle of nowhere. Even with the music humming in my ears and the painful stretch in my unused muscles I can't keep the dark thoughts at bay.

  My thoughts drift towards the day when Jake became a monster. I can still remember the malicious look in his eyes, the agonizing graze of his hands and the sound of my heart racing in fear as I suffer from his torment.

  I am pushing through on my sixth mile and come to a complete stop when I reach the sign welcoming me to the small town of Edge Water. I sit down roughly out of breath, on ground along the side of the road. Happy with my accomplishment.

  After sitting for a few minutes, I get a text from Dr. Hardy's office reminding me of my appointment for tomorrow morning. Realizing I am so close to his office makes me nervous about tomorrow's appointment. To get my mind off the weakness I feel. I figure that stopping off at the first spot there is to eat is a good idea, boy was I wrong.

  Chapter 8

  That Figures

  I make my way into The Munch Box Diner, walk up to the bar area and have a seat. Not even two seconds after I sit down, I hear a man clear his voice. I turn in his direction and it's none other than Dr. Hardy. I instantly feel the color drain from my face. I just wanted to come in here and eat and relax before I walked back home. Now he is probably going to start a conversation in a diner that I'm not even remotely ready for.

  "Laney,” he says with a nod.

  That's it? A nod of his head?

  "Dr. Hardy." I respond with the same gesture.

  "Please call me James, I am out of the office." He smiles.

  "James."

  "Thank you, how has today been treating you?"

  Oh, great he is trying to make small talk. I just sit there for a few minutes in silence before I answer.

  "You know, I see what you're trying to pull. I am not dumb Dr. Hardy, I really don't want to have this conversation in The Munch Box. I will just be on my way out and we can finish this in your office tomorrow at ten o'clock." I say with as much bitchiness as possible.

  I get up and leave the diner without ordering food and before he can reply.

  I urgently go out the way I came in, back to the house. I don't even bother stretching or messing with my headphones I just run. I run until I can hear my heart beat strumming in my ears. My legs feel like they are being scorched with a flame thrower. Breathing in and out erratically, I stop next to an old dirt trail leading into the woods. I settle next to a fallen tree placing my head in my hands.

  I free the tears that my eyes have been holding captive. Sorrow sets in as I think about what I had just said to a man that was only trying to help. I sit there and cry for what it feels like forever before I make the decision to call Lindsay to pick me up. I expunge the remaining tears on my now swollen cheeks, and dial her number. She answers already knowing there is something wrong. She freaks out for a few minutes before she believes I am okay. She leaves the house with me still on the phone. I tell her I am fine just too tired to walk or jog back. I finally give her the assurance she needs and we hang up. Fifteen minutes later she is pulling up on the side of the dirt trail. She flings the door open and flees towards me like I might disappear. Which makes me giggle a little bit. I tell her what happened with James and she was shocked. I don't normally lash out at people and it worries her.

  "Laney you really should call him at least to apologize."

  "I can't believe you said that to him or with that tone of voice, especially to such a sexy human." I will tell him tomorrow, I already feel like an asshole. I really don't need him to think I am insane on top of it."

  "I just feel like when he looked at me, he looked down on me for what he heard the other day."

  "Honey I am sure he doesn't look at you in any way, I think it's all in your head sweetie."

  I agree with her just to have her move pass it and change the subject.

  The ride home is filled with Lindsay's bubbly voice gushing about her new guy friend. I nod my head in agreement when she asks for opinions, but I am really just trying to block her out. I want to be alone, but I don't want to be. It's hard to understand and explain.

  Once we make it back to the house I notice that her friend’s car is still parked in the driveway, and I smack her arm for leaving him. I play it off as if I don't want to bother them and head to my room. I strip bare of all my clothes and throw on an old pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt as I settle into bed I receive a new text message from an unknown number and panic.

  Chapter 9

  Dance until I break

  I open the message and it reads. “Laney its James. I just wanted you to have my number in case you ever need someone to talk to. Before you take it as me being nosy or annoying. I just want you to know that I don't judge people based on their flaws, past or tragedies. I really do look forward to our appointment even if you can't open up to me. See you soon.”

  If I didn't already feel terrible for the way I treated him, it's even worse now.

  I don't reply because I want to apologize in person, I am sure he would understand, at least I hope so. I shut my phone off so I'm not so tempted and I turn the TV on for the noise to keep the silence from finding me. I grab my notebook from the nightstand drawer and decide to jot down notes of what to say tomorrow. I crank the TV up just a little higher when I hear Lindsay moaning down the hall. Nice. I will never be able to get a shower at this rate. I write down what I want to say and roll over to take a short nap, hopefully when I wake up they will be out and about and I can shower without worrying about walking around in a towel.

  I wake around three in the afternoon, the house is silent so I head over to the window and notice her friend’s car is gone. I thank god silently as I gather my things for the shower. I turn the water on steaming hot until the bathroom has the haze and fogs the mirror. That is another thing I need to jot down in my notes for my appointment that I can't bring myself to look in the mirror. When I think about looking at myself I become terrified. Dark thoughts are haunting me, it's like a child seeing their shadow for the first time. It's confusing, scary and dark. I step in the shower and let the fiery water scald my sensitive skin until I am numb once again.

  I am half way through my shower when I hear a knock at the door I jump at the loudness of it. She comes strolling through the door. "Hey babe! You doing okay in here?"

  "Yeah I am good." I say trying to sound convincing.

  "Yeah okay, I'm not buying it sweets. Are you trying to convince me or yourself that?"

  "Seriously Lindsay I don't know. I mean I am trying to be okay, what do you want me to say?"

  "I know it was a stupid question. I just wanted to check on you, I will be in my room if you need me okay."

  Great I feel like a burden, like a pity party. Feeling like I am something people want to fix, will I ever get to move past this or will it taunt me forever? I mumble an okay and she leaves the room.

  Once I am out of the shower I head to my room to find a short blue dress with matching heels on the bed. I look around confused standing in a towel. I moved closer to pick them up and notice a note sticking inside one of heels, it reads.

  Cup Cake,

  I didn't mean to barge in on your alone time and upset you. I am just worried about you, and the way you're distancing yourself from me. I am your sister I will always be there for you regardless of whatever you may go through in life. I wanted to wait to give you this until your birthday next
month but I couldn't keep it from you any longer. I want to take you out tonight and get your mind off things. So prepare yourself for dancing, booze, and umm yeah lots of dancing.

  PS. I left you matching panties and bra on the dresser, and I ran to the grocery store so don't worry.

  Love your other half,

  Lindsay <3

  Crap. I love her gesture but I don't think I am ready to go out yet. I can't even look at myself. I take a deep breath and remind myself that it's just a club, I can do it. I unwrap the pink towel from around my body and drop it on the floor. I reach for the small bag on the dresser and pull on the panties and matching bra. I pick up the dress and hold it against my body. A normal woman would put the dress on and check herself out, not me I will not face my demons; not yet. I step into the blue dress and slide my hands down my sides to straighten the ripples. I take a seat on the bed and slide the 3 inch heels onto my feet. Slowly leaning back on the bed I place my hands behind my head, I wait for Lindsay to come back.

  Fifteen minutes later I hear Lindsay walk through the door. I go down stairs to help her with the bags. She already beat me to it though she always does. I knock the bags out of her hands onto the kitchen counter and wrap her into a strong hug, tears instantly spring in my eyes as I fall apart. She never says a word, she just holds me, squeezing me tighter when she thinks I need the assurance. I break the silence telling her thank you for the outfit and everything else she has done.

  "I am so sorry Lindsay. I don't know how to be me anymore."

  "Baby girl you don't have to sorry for a thing, don't ever apologize for something you can't control. It's not your fault you need to have to start believing that."

  "Now stand up girl and show my how gorgeous you look in that dress."

  I nod my head and pull myself out of her embrace and spin around for she can see the dress.

  "You look absolutely beautiful in the dress. I want to do your makeup and hair. No worries you will look amazing when I am done."

  I agree to it even no I don't care I won't know what I look like anyway. I haven't put makeup on or done my hair in a month. She puts the groceries away and takes my hand and leads me to her room. She brushes out my long tangled blonde hair, and heats up the curling iron. She cakes my face in foundation, blush and eye shadow. As she lines my eyes with the darkest black and brushes my eye lashes with the same color then moves to a deep pink lipstick.

  Once she is finished with my makeup she starts to curl my hair.

  She announces that she is done, turning the chair towards the mirror and I jump out of the chair in an instant. She looks at me like I have lost my mind. I tell her sorry for scaring her that I just had to pee and that I would check myself out in the bathroom.

  I quickly make my way to the bathroom and shut the door, leaning against the door I take deep breaths. I can feel my eyes start to water and I fight to hold the tears in so I don't ruin the makeup. Once I have caught my breath I go back out to face her again.

  "What was that? Laney what are you hiding from me? I don't want to pry into your every thought, but I really want to know what is going on in there sometimes. You scare me and I am scared for you."

  "Nothing is wrong I am fine I promise, I just had to pee." I lied.

  "Alright well when you're ready to talk I will be in my room getting ready. By the way you look stunning."

  I go down to the kitchen to grab a drink and wait. Thirty minutes later she comes down the steps in a low cut satin black dress, with sliver heels. Her pink hair is curled and pinned up perfectly on one side showing the tattoo of a cross below her earlobe. She looks beautiful. She asks if I'm ready to go, telling her yes I follow her out the door to her car.

  We arrive at the club called Marty’s at around nine. She drags me through the door and straight to the bar. She orders six different shots and slides three of them over in front of me. I begin throwing back shots just as quickly as her, within in minutes I feel the daze swiftly move in like the way an ocean wave comes crashing to shore.

  When the song, Bartender, comes on by Lady Antebellum, Lindsay pulls me out on the dance floor laughing. The dizzy fun feeling rushes over me and I spin in circles on the dance floor. We dance half the night before all the worries I had about tonight made themselves known. Lindsay tells me she has to go to the bathroom and I laugh and continued to dance. After only five minutes of being alone I feel someone watching me. I ignore the feeling the best I can being in this weird haze.

  It isn't until I feel hands caress my hips that I freak out. I start hyperventilating and fall to my knees in panic. Everyone looks at me like I am strange and just stands there. My chest is closing and I feel every bead of sweat on my body. I clench my fists and grab at my chest, tears break free as I realize no one even cares. I hear a familiar man’s voice and someone yelling to call 911 before the darkness sets in.

  Chapter 10

  Dr. Fix It

  I hear an annoying beep sound nearby and it's waking me slowly. My eyes lazily flutter open to a bright white room. I close them back quickly from the burn it's causing. I hear the screeching sound of curtains closing and realize I am not alone.

  "How are you feeling Ms. Harper?"

  I wait a few seconds to answer since I am completely confused.

  "Where is Lindsay is she okay? Where am I? What happened?"

  "Calm down sweetheart she is fine, you are fine you just had an anxiety attack last night and you were brought in after you passed out."

  "An anxiety attack?" I ask, clearly not believing that this is actually happening.

  "Yes it's very common for someone who has been through tragic events in their lives or people just inherit it from family members."

  "Why are you acting like you know me? You don't know anything about me."

  "Laney, I know more than what you think. I can see it on your face, I can feel it in your presence and I overheard you outside the office."

  "I am just trying to help you, I know that you are avoiding me and now that you are here in the hospital I thought it would be a good time to talk. It's actually the time of your appointment anyway."

  I try to swallow my words so I don't sound like such a bitch again towards him. Dr. James Hardy of all people is standing next to my hospital bed. I ponder what I should say as I reach down to rip the IV out of my arm.

  "Ah...ah...ah...you have lost a lot fluids from dehydration, I really think you should just take a deep breath and relax." He says in his rough tone which pisses me off all over again.

  "Last time I checked you were a shrink not a real doctor." I snapped back.

  As soon as the words left my lips I regretted them.

  "I am sorry Dr. Hardy, I didn't mean that. I am just on edge, seriously I am sorry."

  He looks me with a grin and I start to think I am losing my mind when I hear a soft laugh escape his lips.

  "You really are very blunt Ms. Harper."

  "Really? I mean I didn't mean to come across that way but if you say so. Why do you keep calling me Ms. Harper, I think we are pass the level of formals don't you think?"

  "Actually, you keep calling me Dr. Hardy. So first name basis is something we need to work on."

  He clutches onto the notebook and pen he has in his hands and flips it open to a clean page. Jotting down notes he continues to question about why I came to see him in the first place. I ignore most of his questions until he asks me what my favorite color is. Throwing me off I answer with the color purple. He nods and tells me his favorite color is blue, like my eyes. I look up from my hands and see him staring at me hard. I am frozen in place at his forwardness.

  "Okay Ms. Harper, I have another appointment at my office. I will be calling you tomorrow to schedule another appointment for this week."

  Just like that he gathers his things and leaves me in an empty hospital room with a head full of unanswered questions.

  I lift my hands to my temples and rub small circles, hoping to straighten out my confusion. I lean back on a
huff and close my eyes. I start building the questions up in my head. How did he know I was at a club? How did he know I was at the hospital?

  "Hey there miss panic panties!" Lindsay walks in with a balloon that says get well soon and a pink bear that says it's a girl. I laugh and nod my head towards the bear.

  "Hey don't hate, they didn't have any other ones." She giggles.

  "How are you doing? You fell out hard on me last night. It was pretty scary. Thank god Dr. Hardy was nearby." I gasp cutting her off.

  "He was there last night? What the fuck?"

  "Yeah I was leaving the bathroom when I saw you drop to your knees. He was the first one by your side, he kept your head from hitting the floor. It should have been me there. I am so sorry, I never thought for one second that might happen; if I did I wouldn't have drank as much as I did."

  "There was nothing you could have done sweetie don't feel like shit because I freaked out. I was fine until some random guy put his dirty hands on my hips, then I just lost it I guess." She walks over to the side of my bed and peels back the blanket sliding into the bed next to me. She hugs me as I complain about calling a nurse to get her out of my bed. The complaining must have secretly worked, a few seconds later the nurse comes in to look at my vitals. The whole time she huffs and puffs like her job is the hardest one ever while she picks away at my IV. Nurse snobby tells me I can go home and heads to get my discharge papers.

  I sleep the whole ride home. I wake with a jolt when I hear Lindsay shut her car door. I reach for the door handle just as Lindsay open the door almost falling out of the car. I give her a dirty look as she explains that she is just trying to help. I laugh it off as we make our way in the house. We decide to watch the new Fast & Furious movie she got from Redbox. Like always we end up talking and worry less about what's on the TV.

  She tells me what happened after I fell out from the panic attack leading up to the afternoon when she came to see me. Apparently Dr. Hardy was at the same club we stumbled into for a drink after work, and noticed a guy putting his hands on me. Lindsay said the reason he didn't get to me sooner was because he broke the guy’s nose for putting his hands on me. This came as a surprise to me considering how rude I have been towards him. Lindsay showed up right after dialing for an ambulance and that he rode with me to the hospital while she followed close behind.